I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
