I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
