I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
