Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
