This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
