sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
