i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
