How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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