you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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