3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
