shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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