You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
