can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
