could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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