I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
