I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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