dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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