I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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