HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
