never play flip cup with pint glasses
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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