My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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