Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
