i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
