Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he puts the penis in happiness.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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