So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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