I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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