I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
