DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
