did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
