all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
