Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am naked and annoyed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
