i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
