my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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