Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
