why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
