Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
