batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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