are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
