walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
