Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
