Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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