im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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