I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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