Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
