im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
