She went from zero to smokin in five shots
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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