Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
