Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
