Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
