Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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