It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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