My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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