Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
